What you need to know:
Because I became suspicious, I went through his phone and realised he had gone as far as having sex with several of these women
I have on several occasions caught my husband reading text messages from other women. Because I became suspicious, I went through his phone and realised he had gone as far as having sex with several of these women. When I confronted him, he confessed and asked for my forgiveness. He changed for a while but he recently started dating another woman. I have not confronted him about it and I do not know how to proceed. Am I allowing him to get away with disrespecting me? Please advise.
Dear Anonymous,
Being cheated on is not an easy thing to handle. Learning how to deal with a cheater can help you regain control of your life and help you decide how you want to proceed.
While hurting your husband by let us say cutting his clothes into pieces may seem like a cathartic reaction, this is not going to help you move on, nor will it make you feel any better in the long run.
The adverse emotional and mental side effects of being cheated on can stay with you for a lifetime. Being cheated on stirs up insecurities, low self-esteem, distrust, inability to open up, give you feelings of worthlessness, and makes you question your qualities and physical appearance.
Remember that the reason cheaters decide to take the unfaithful way and indulge in affairs may have very little, if nothing, to do with you. Cheating in relationships is a selfish act in which a person is thinking solely of themselves. However, many still find understanding the ‘why’ as an essential part of the grieving process.
Try your best not to blame yourself for the act. Often, cheating is in response to something going wrong in the relationship. It is encouraged that the partners sit down and have an honest conversation about what needs are missing. If your unfaithful partner was depressed, they should have told you upfront. Consequently, they should end the relationship before sleeping with someone new.
Dealing with a cheater is emotionally devastating and can change your personality for years to come. Even if you have decided to stay with your cheating partner and work on your relationship, it is still essential to take time for yourself. It will allow you to decompress. It will also allow you to collect your thoughts and grieve the situation.
Confront your partner about their infidelity. This will allow them the opportunity to plead their case with you and for you to be perfectly clear about your feelings. Your feelings of betrayal, anger, humiliation, and hurt should be clear.
This is also an opportunity to let them know if you plan on ending the relationship. It goes without saying that if you decide to work on your relationship together, your cheating girlfriend or boyfriend must end the affair.
Reader advice
Think before acting;
Jane Rose: You have mentioned that your husband has done this multiple times, and even after being caught he has repeated the same mistake. In a situation like this, women either continue with the relationship due to societal pressure or thinking about children as they do not want them to be brought up in a broken family. Both situations have their own pros and cons. For instance, if you stay with him, what would it be like to bring up a child with such a father? What are the concerns that you need to address right now and in future? Reflect on these, and also write down the situations you are going to face when you divorce him. What challenges will your children face when you divorce him? What about your financial situation? Think about all the possible circumstances before making any decision.
