In an announcement that is bound to launch a thousand memes, President Museveni has revealed that Uganda’s army, the UPDF, is preparing to join the elite club of spacefaring nations by deploying its very own satellite. Yes, you read that correctly – Uganda is boldly going where few have gone before, and it’s not just for stargazing.
In a display of military prowess that rivals science fiction, Museveni explained, “The force is now becoming more and more comprehensive in terms of capacity to deal with all types of threats. And once we launch our satellite, it will reinforce what we already have because what the satellite does, it gives you eyes from up. We have some eyes there, but we can have more with the satellite.” Well, who needs telescopes when you can have satellite “eyes from up”?
Gone are the days when the UPDF had to make do with mere infantry. Now, they’ve got all the arms they could ever wish for and are even working on their own satellite. Because nothing says national defence like a satellite orbiting overhead, right?
The president made this stellar announcement during the pass-out ceremony of 295 cadet officers. He proudly proclaimed that the UPDF has grown by leaps and bounds, and having more eyes in the air will apparently make them even more invincible.
But that’s not all – the UPDF has covered many aspects of national defence, and they’re not stopping at the stars. They’re also consolidating their marine forces to protect all those parts of Uganda that are covered by freshwater. Because if there’s one thing freshwater bodies need, it’s military protection from space.
President Museveni couldn’t resist patting himself on the back for the UPDF’s development. He assured the newly minted cadets that the issue of soldier pay is being addressed. So, not only will they have satellite eyes, but they’ll also have fatter wallets. It’s a win-win for the UPDF.
Museveni didn’t forget to congratulate the parents for allowing their offspring to join the prestigious UPDF institution. However, he did caution them not to pester their children for money. Instead, he urged parents to get busy with wealth creation. Because, let’s face it, who needs parental support when you have satellite eyes in the sky?
In a not so subtle jab at the cadets, Museveni questioned their social media habits. He wondered aloud if they were chatting with knowledgeable people or just exchanging ignorance. Clearly, discussing interstellar warfare and satellite technology on social media is a not a national priority.
The Minister for Defence and Veteran Affairs encouraged the cadets to work closely together to defeat any threat against the nation. Presumably, that includes extraterrestrial invaders who might be eyeing Uganda’s new satellite.
In a fitting climax to this cosmic saga, Gen Wilson Mbasu Mbadi praised Museveni’s visionary leadership that transformed the UPDF into a professional, efficient, and accountable force. He even mentioned plans to turn the Uganda Military Academy into a center of excellence for cadet training, because who wouldn’t want to send their future space soldiers there?
Museveni’s satellite announcement may have raised some eyebrows, but with their eyes on the stars and social media in check, Uganda’s UPDF is undoubtedly poised for greatness. Watch out, universe, here comes Uganda!
